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The Smiling Gainey

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Alas, sweet Guy, you were too big a fish to be kept in a tiny pond like Hamilton. A tiny, polluted pond at that. Sure, the West end of said pond may be nice, but the rest could use a good city-wide fire. You ever been to Pat Quinn way, son?

I digress.

Guy Boucher (or Gheeee Boo-shay, anglicized) has gone and ****ed off to Tampa to watch the tar balls wash ashore with Vinny and Vick. Kirk Muller (Kirk Muller, anglicized) may too be on his way out of the Habs organization.

So where does this leave the Montreal Canadiens? With Jacques Marin and Perry Pern and about 1 million or so heavy hearts. On the bright side, the score right now between Martin and Boucher is 3 2nd round births and 2 Conference Finals to 0. BIG, FAT, SLOPPY, GREASY ZERO. In fact, I’m not even sure why I’m so disheartened over this whole thing. The Guy has yet to even win a single game in the NHL!

Well that made me feel a whole lot better. Enjoy your winless coach, Tampa.

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As reported earlier, I’m having ifficulty with my D button. Much like the Habs, I’m trying to activate the D. This problem coul be ue to foo particles and jammy fingers, but is most likely the work of terrorists. I’ll keep you poste.

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I rarely talk about music but I strongly suggest you check out Regina Spektor’s musical bum. Edit: seems my space bar is also wonky. That was to read ‘music album’. Sorry for the confusion.

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Since I brought it up, I might as well post some possible solutions I’ve been thinking about for fixing my keyboar:

  • get Duncan Keith to show it how a D is supposed to function
  • tell it that it’s in a contract year an watch it start performing like it’s supposed to
  • appeal to it’s intellectual side, then ask it to define ‘love’ and then subdue it
  • show computer some Carcillo footage, might cause the D button to go down at the slightest touch

Speaking of  Dan Carcillo, this guy keeps going down like a Thai hooker on half priced nights (check for an Adam’s apple when in Thailand btw) and the league may be forced to issue supplementary iscipline even though the refs have missed 2 dives thus far. The past 2 years there have been 2 new rules brought about by ouchebag behaviour, an I think Carcillo may well bring about a 3rd precedent with his douchosity.

To make matters worse with Carcillo, he may have been bitten by Marc Savard in a scrum last night but can anyone believe him? Given his recent history for pantomiming on ice, the boy who cried (and looks like) wolf does not get the benefit of the doubt – and should not. You live by a dirty, cheap sword – you die by a dirty, cheap sword.

And that’s one to grow on.

Apparently the other day, Canaa’s Heritage Minister referred to the Vancouver Canucks as ‘Canada’s team’ on Twitter or Facebook or TwitFace (it was a social networking site – I think). I was busy not giving a shit, plus I was trying to figure out why the ‘d’ button on my lap top wasn’t working so I don’t have 100% of the deets.

The important thing, however, is that it’s not the Leafs. Or Boston.

Speaking of Bahston, – and as a Hab fan it’s painful to admit this – they’re looking stronger as the playoffs goes on. What would you if the Brooins won the Stanley Cup?


(Hey kids! There was an error in today’s report. Can you find the typo?)

Astro Glide Boy wishes you good luck!

Note: I’ve been getting like 1,oar4eu4ryq4eioooo hits from people looking for Habs wallpaper so I’ll get to putting those links back up. Just sit yer arse down good and tight.

So it would appear that Jaroslav Halak is pulling a massive Toni Braxton an un-breaking the collective hearts of Hab fans after a rollercoaster ride of a season. Who’da thunk it?

Goalies: saving Hab ass since 86

Jaro Halak's little secret

Jaroslav Halak's little secret

thanks to FirstRoundBusts for the cartoons.

Firstroundbusts just put up this depiction of Alex Ovechkin (Ovechkink?) suffering the effects of elimination at the hands of Les Canadiens. I, for one, think it’s a decent look for him.

Alex Ovechkin dwelling in emosity

Alex Ovechkin dwelling in emosity

Filed under Hockey comics, hockey cartoons, funny shit.

Firstroundbusts depicts what may eventually happen to Matt Cooke, should he continue his disrespectful habits of shoulder kissing the faces of unsuspecting opponents.

"I knew this day would come..."

reckoning day for Cooke?

I didn’t catch the Habs game last night, but apparently they were down 3 goals and came back to win 4-3 in a shootout.

Carey Price started, Jaro Halak finished. And oh my god I don’t want to hear about your stupid ideas regarding either one. Seriously. I don’t care if you think Halak is better. I don’t care if you think Price is better. I don’t want to hear how you think Price is up to no good and spends his free time torturing schoolgirls in his dungeon and coming up with new mask designs at biker bars when he should be focusing on hockey but he doesn’t and it’s also cause he worships satan did you hear that one didja didja huh?? I DON’T ****ING CARE.

Perhaps a good portion of Hab fans grew up playing too much Mortal Kombat, and developed a subconscious desire to want to pit 2 people against each other in every facet of life. Perhaps they’re Trekkies and have a constant need to see two ‘teammates’ forced to battle it out like gladiators, one grasping to find the logic in it while the other desperately thinking of a way to bang the underage blue chick.

Either way, I don’t care. Neither goalie has proved themselves to be a true top 10 goaltender in this league. Until such time, both of these talented goaltenders are needed to step up for the stretch run and playoffs.

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